This blog is to make you think and maybe even shake loose some childlike behaviours that you have and are possibly unaware of, but honestly, more importantly to get rid of childlike judgements that you make about other people and circumstances because how you judge other people gives a real insight into your own values and beliefs, and like I have said a number of times before some of these values and beliefs have been given to you as a child by caregivers, friends and institutions etc. Because you were young you never questioned them but now, as an adult with your own free thinking mind, who has witnessed huge scientific and technological advancements, has information at your fingertips and real life experiences in this modern world - you might want to revisit some foundations that you base your judgements on.
As I say, I want to make you think. There is no correct answer as this is perception based so my fictional content but your opinion and judgement.
You, a beautiful baby is born. One of the first things you learn is how to get attention. You cant talk, write a memo, raise your hand or ring a bell yet so you cry, you cry and people come. You learn what an angry face looks like, that behaviour is conditional i.e. it comes with rewards and punishments. You figure out other peoples strengths and weaknesses, maybe who you can push to get away with more and who you don't want to be disciplined by. You learn to lie to stay out of trouble or save others from it. You assess your skills and observe your faults whilst comparing yourself to others. Years roll by watching and listening and then just like that you are free to live your life how you chose.
Today you are out food shopping and you bump into a friend who tells you that a girl you went to school with has passed away. You talk about her illness and your school time memories and then your friend states her concerns that its only been 2 months since her passing and yet her husband has started dating someone new plus he didn't even cry at her funeral. My question to you is how do you feel about that time period of 2 months? Is that too soon, too long, just right or doesn't it matter at all? Who sets these acceptable time period rules because they are everywhere involving everything? Does grief come with rules? Should we be judging this? Is sadness only expressed with tears? Why do you have such strong opinions about this? Are you thinking about them or are you personalising this to you?
Your dad is a quiet and reserved man. He has always shown you love and respect and has been there to support you throughout your life. He isn't the life and soul of the party, he doesn't overly express his emotions, you have never seen him cry or lose control but you have always felt his love. A fight breaks out after a football match where unfortunately a man is killed. Your dad found himself in the middle of this terrible circumstance so has to go to court. During the court case straight after your dads evidence has been given you hear people saying that he has just lied whilst on the stand, they could tell because he looked guilty, unemotional, unsympathetic and robotic. I ask you can anyone prove that? Can you just look at a person and categorically state that their face tells you that they have no emotion, don't care or are telling lies? Scientists say no to this and yet you frequently hear press reports of criminals that showed no remorse during sentencing. I bet none of us right now could explain what a remorseful face looks like or even demonstrate it to each other.
Last week in work your boss announced that the customer service twins have lost their mum so wont be in work all week. When they return both girls say that they are devastated and are struggling to adjust. Every lunch break you see one of them crying in her car. Is the one that cries the saddest one? They both spoke the same words detailing how they felt but because one shows her tears and the other doesn't, does that make the words hold less value or present a crack in her truth?
A child reports abuse from a well respective person, your best friend says they saw a UFO, your mum says she spoke with the ghost of your dead dad, your work friend says a mutual friend is bullying him, your child says the medicine is making them feel worst, a guilty man admits his wrongs and says he is sorry, your boss reports sexual harassment all of these examples you may struggle with, but that doesn't make them untrue. Judging is the perfect opportunity to question where the bases of that judgement has come from within you. That doesn't mean you re-examine to always find that you are wrong or that you have to change your mind but realistically it will guide you into thinking about what benefits are you gaining from the judgement you are dishing out? What other facts do you have about this matter that the person in question doesn't have? How can you know more about something that didn't even happen to you? Even a shared experience doesn't result in the same feelings and memory that's why witness statements can be incredibly unreliable.
Don't be the crying baby demanding everyone's attention or the child that's told exactly what to think. Be the self assured, free thinking individual who can massively impact this world with their personal wisdom based on their personal truths.